"Within marriage, sex is beautiful, fulfilling, creative. Outside of marriage, it is ugly, destructive and damning." - John MacArthur.
Sometimes as a Christian you may feel overwhelmed by SEX. I know as a single young woman I am overwhelmed by it in a negative sense but have my head on straight with what the bible has to say about it. Why am I overwhelmed by it? Because it's everywhere. The world has made it such a big deal, but God in His word has made it a big deal too, and that is why I know I can have my head on straight about it because it is a subject that scripture adresses. But I mean, c'mon you can't escape it. Billboards on my way home from Riverside have advertisements for strip clubs but they call them gentlemen clubs to cover it up. Commercials on television for how to have better sex talk about it. There's stories on the news about women getting raped or children being molested. Magazines in line at the grocery store, "Your Best Sex Now". Songs on the radio talking about sex taking them to paradise. Really!? Sex takes you to paradise? What about God taking you to paradise? Movies where people are having sex, using sexual terms or even implying that the two people just had sex. Men and even some women watching pornography or being advised to in order to have a better sex life. Homosexuality is promoted in television shows, movies or music videos. So lets face it, it is everywhere, and something that was designed to be so beautiful has been turned into something defined by gratifying our pleasures and desires. Or to put it in better terms, "I want it and I want it now!" But lets take a look at what the Bible says about sex:
Mark 7:21 "For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery," - to me, this verse describes the life of King David. He had a desire that came from within, from his heart, that was Bathsheba. He let his thoughts wander so bady that he demanded and needed to have her (evil thoughts and sexual immorality). Then he murdered her husband and stole her to be his own. All in all, he committed adultery from the very first look, and Matt. 5:28 says, "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." ("out of the heart of a man comes...adultery")
Matt. 5:32 "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Sexual immorality is so serious that God allows a man or a woman to leave their spouse if there is even a hint of it. Eph. 5:3 says, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
Col. 3:5 "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry." We are called to walk by the Spirit and not according to our flesh "for the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do...Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,..." Gal. 5:17,19
1 Thes. 4:3 "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;..." Sexual immorality stunts your growth. It is God's will for us to grow, therefore we must say no to sex (unless in marriage).
Mark 10:7-8 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh." When you get married your body is no longer your own. This act of the two becoming one flesh is the act of sex within a marriage.
...There are several others, but these are the ones that I want to share...
But what about how to avoid it in relationships? In relationships true love doesn't just wait (Ch.9) All of the following come down to one thing (Ch.2):
1) Joyful obedience to God's Word. You want a man or woman who delights in the laws of the Lord (Ps.1:2) If you have a person like this it is most likely you will be more capable to avoid it in your relationship.
2) The selfless desire to do what's best for the other person. In doing this you will respect the boundaries set between you from the beginning...and believe me you want to set those boundaries at the start (we will look more into boundaries in a bit).
3) The humble embrace of community. Everyone needs accountability, and if you are a woman you need spiritual protectors in your life. If you embrace those around you and they embrace you it will be a lot easier to avoid sex in your relationship.
4) A deep satisfaction in God. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is satisfied in God they will not put an expectation upon you to satisfy their desires for sex. And if they do, you strongly need to consider ending that relationship.
5) A commitmenet to guard the sacredness of sex. The sum of 1-4 comes down to this, you will see the sacredness of sex and desire to guard one another from it.
"While dating, guarding each other's purity and refraining from sexual intimacy are the acts of lovemaking."
True love doesn't just wait, it sets boundaries. Don't wait until you make mistakes to set boundaries, set them at the start. Some may need to be adjusted as you move along through your relationship if things get harder. Here are a few boundaries I've set for myself (there may be room for adjustment depending on the guy in my life and on what point of our journey we are on):
1) We will not lye or sit entwined with one another.
2) We will not playfully wrestle or tickle.
3) We will not talk about our future physical relationship as if we were already married (if engaged)
4) We will not spend undue amounts of time together at late hours of the night.
5) We will not be alone in the car with no one around day or night.
6) We will not kiss until marriage. This and sex is a non negotiable.
7) We will not hug for long periods of time.
8) We will not touch in places that are private or cause the other person to feel uncomfortable or "turned on".
9) We will not say I love you prematurely or throw the phrase around.
These are a few I have, but they are subject to change for better guarding of the heart. Also, I want to be open to my future boyfriends boundaries.
Hopefully all of this is helpful to your journey if you are a believer. If not, my desire is that this post has given you some insight to how God designed sex for marriage and how a healthy relationship can avoid the emotional, spiritual, and physical pain that sex can cause out of context. God loves you and created you to please Him. Please don't ignore His calling & know that as a Christian I'm not some perfect person who will lose all desire for sex completely till marriage because I've set boundaries or am saved. I was learning in biblestudy tonight that being a Christian is hard and sometimes the people that shared salvation with us never told us from the beginning how hard it will be. So I'm warning you now, if you accept Christ as Lord over your life, and He needs to be just that...LORD, it will be extremely hard. But, He promises He will not give us more than we can handle, and He will make a way out from sin. So, I'm inviting you to acknowledge your sin and to repent from it, becoming a slave to Him and no longer a slave to your flesh, walking in the spirit and being aware of the battle that will come but is already won. I would love for you to join me in true joy (only believers experience this), and not just the "happiness" that the world has promised you for so long.
I think the verse below is so great! It makes clear the question many people have of "where in the bible does it say 'do not have sex before marriage?'" I've asked that before and I finally got my answer:
"Drink water from your own well -- share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don't share it with strangers... Why be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman, or embrace the breasts of an adulterous woman?" Proverbs 5:15-17,20 NLT
-To Hear Him Sing-
Sometimes as a Christian you may feel overwhelmed by SEX. I know as a single young woman I am overwhelmed by it in a negative sense but have my head on straight with what the bible has to say about it. Why am I overwhelmed by it? Because it's everywhere. The world has made it such a big deal, but God in His word has made it a big deal too, and that is why I know I can have my head on straight about it because it is a subject that scripture adresses. But I mean, c'mon you can't escape it. Billboards on my way home from Riverside have advertisements for strip clubs but they call them gentlemen clubs to cover it up. Commercials on television for how to have better sex talk about it. There's stories on the news about women getting raped or children being molested. Magazines in line at the grocery store, "Your Best Sex Now". Songs on the radio talking about sex taking them to paradise. Really!? Sex takes you to paradise? What about God taking you to paradise? Movies where people are having sex, using sexual terms or even implying that the two people just had sex. Men and even some women watching pornography or being advised to in order to have a better sex life. Homosexuality is promoted in television shows, movies or music videos. So lets face it, it is everywhere, and something that was designed to be so beautiful has been turned into something defined by gratifying our pleasures and desires. Or to put it in better terms, "I want it and I want it now!" But lets take a look at what the Bible says about sex:
Mark 7:21 "For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery," - to me, this verse describes the life of King David. He had a desire that came from within, from his heart, that was Bathsheba. He let his thoughts wander so bady that he demanded and needed to have her (evil thoughts and sexual immorality). Then he murdered her husband and stole her to be his own. All in all, he committed adultery from the very first look, and Matt. 5:28 says, "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." ("out of the heart of a man comes...adultery")
Matt. 5:32 "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Sexual immorality is so serious that God allows a man or a woman to leave their spouse if there is even a hint of it. Eph. 5:3 says, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
Col. 3:5 "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry." We are called to walk by the Spirit and not according to our flesh "for the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do...Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,..." Gal. 5:17,19
1 Thes. 4:3 "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;..." Sexual immorality stunts your growth. It is God's will for us to grow, therefore we must say no to sex (unless in marriage).
Mark 10:7-8 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh." When you get married your body is no longer your own. This act of the two becoming one flesh is the act of sex within a marriage.
...There are several others, but these are the ones that I want to share...
But what about how to avoid it in relationships? In relationships true love doesn't just wait (Ch.9) All of the following come down to one thing (Ch.2):
1) Joyful obedience to God's Word. You want a man or woman who delights in the laws of the Lord (Ps.1:2) If you have a person like this it is most likely you will be more capable to avoid it in your relationship.
2) The selfless desire to do what's best for the other person. In doing this you will respect the boundaries set between you from the beginning...and believe me you want to set those boundaries at the start (we will look more into boundaries in a bit).
3) The humble embrace of community. Everyone needs accountability, and if you are a woman you need spiritual protectors in your life. If you embrace those around you and they embrace you it will be a lot easier to avoid sex in your relationship.
4) A deep satisfaction in God. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is satisfied in God they will not put an expectation upon you to satisfy their desires for sex. And if they do, you strongly need to consider ending that relationship.
5) A commitmenet to guard the sacredness of sex. The sum of 1-4 comes down to this, you will see the sacredness of sex and desire to guard one another from it.
"While dating, guarding each other's purity and refraining from sexual intimacy are the acts of lovemaking."
True love doesn't just wait, it sets boundaries. Don't wait until you make mistakes to set boundaries, set them at the start. Some may need to be adjusted as you move along through your relationship if things get harder. Here are a few boundaries I've set for myself (there may be room for adjustment depending on the guy in my life and on what point of our journey we are on):
1) We will not lye or sit entwined with one another.
2) We will not playfully wrestle or tickle.
3) We will not talk about our future physical relationship as if we were already married (if engaged)
4) We will not spend undue amounts of time together at late hours of the night.
5) We will not be alone in the car with no one around day or night.
6) We will not kiss until marriage. This and sex is a non negotiable.
7) We will not hug for long periods of time.
8) We will not touch in places that are private or cause the other person to feel uncomfortable or "turned on".
9) We will not say I love you prematurely or throw the phrase around.
These are a few I have, but they are subject to change for better guarding of the heart. Also, I want to be open to my future boyfriends boundaries.
Hopefully all of this is helpful to your journey if you are a believer. If not, my desire is that this post has given you some insight to how God designed sex for marriage and how a healthy relationship can avoid the emotional, spiritual, and physical pain that sex can cause out of context. God loves you and created you to please Him. Please don't ignore His calling & know that as a Christian I'm not some perfect person who will lose all desire for sex completely till marriage because I've set boundaries or am saved. I was learning in biblestudy tonight that being a Christian is hard and sometimes the people that shared salvation with us never told us from the beginning how hard it will be. So I'm warning you now, if you accept Christ as Lord over your life, and He needs to be just that...LORD, it will be extremely hard. But, He promises He will not give us more than we can handle, and He will make a way out from sin. So, I'm inviting you to acknowledge your sin and to repent from it, becoming a slave to Him and no longer a slave to your flesh, walking in the spirit and being aware of the battle that will come but is already won. I would love for you to join me in true joy (only believers experience this), and not just the "happiness" that the world has promised you for so long.
I think the verse below is so great! It makes clear the question many people have of "where in the bible does it say 'do not have sex before marriage?'" I've asked that before and I finally got my answer:
"Drink water from your own well -- share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don't share it with strangers... Why be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman, or embrace the breasts of an adulterous woman?" Proverbs 5:15-17,20 NLT
-To Hear Him Sing-
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